Abyss

I am

I am an abyss

a void that even I do not acknowledge

I have to wonder if its shame

am i so disgusted with who I have become..

I walk around the edge

daring myself to look in

afraid to see just what

I am

the pain that fails to register anymore

I am the smoke I exhale as I let go of emotions I ignore

I am comatose dreaming of waking life

fuck going through the motions

im past that

the motions have ceased

I would say im lost but being found has no meaning

I am

so incredibly fake

I feel? I feel what? What I know will get the least stares..

I am

an empty, efficient automaton

input what you like, ill always have a response

ill always tell you enough to look like I care

ill always lie enough to remain unnoticed

I am

someone I stopped recognizing a long time ago

Fuck a happy ending.

I haven't written in quite a while, and I am well aware just how convoluted that sounds. I needed to get that out though. Til next time..

-Sour

For the record.

After my extensive experimentation into the human ability to "grow" I have reached a conclusion. Well, I re-verified my findings is more accurate. In order to maximize willful growth in another individual you need a few ingredients.

1. The intended target will have to be in a submissive position to the teacher. ie; Teacher/Student , Master/Slave
This will bring the student closer to a state of disassociation, which is vital to making this all work.

2. It has to be understood by both parties that the teacher is only to GUIDE the student. It is not for the teacher to decide how the student should ultimately turn out. As the student grows they will develop a new sense of self. Putting your own personal nuances into the mix will stunt that growth. IF a teacher has personal goals for a student, make them separate from goals the student has to reach for themselves.

3. At some point the student MAY start to resist very strongly. It is at this time I strongly advise a break in tutelage. When the student stops being receptive it is because they have to apply what has already been taught. All growth up until that point has been in an environment fostered by the teacher(depending on situation).
The new personality needs time to interact with the world in all the ways their old one did. It's like getting a new car, you wouldn't race it until u gave it a few runs to get comfortable. In very personal situations (bf/gf, best friends)animosity can begin to brew. If left unchecked, it will destroy any relationship you had between you and your teacher.

4. Disassociation. Dissociation is a mental process that severs a connection to a person's thoughts, memories, feelings, actions, or sense of identity. The sense of identity part is what we're interested in. I personally dissociated through trauma 6 years ago. After about 4 years i was able to re-assemble myself into most of what i am now. Some people don't require trauma to abandon obsolete personality traits, or identities. Other people are far too stubborn to be moved by simple words. Something has to happen to make them feel the way they have been living up til then has failed them in some way. At that point its easier to abandon poor traits for new ones. Personally, I think everyone dissociates at some point in their life. I would even go so far as to say its necessary.

With all these things, anyone can become anyone they want to. Theres no reason to be stuck in the same rut you're in. No need to be the same person you hate looking at in the mirror. My personal experiment will be ending soon I feel. For better or for worse we'll have to wait and see. Til next time.
-Sour

Atmosphere is dope.

Seriously. I'm sorry Jess, you tried educating me years ago and I didn't listen. Lesson learned. Today's dose of knowledge comes courtesy of Atmosphere.

Quit trying to play me to the left like you’re right
Always doing that when we fight
But not tonight
(See, I’ve got a headache)
We can make the bed shake but nothin’s accomplished
‘Cause after sex we’re both unconscious
(And she still persisted)
Girl, listen, there is no interest in sex
Best that we should finish this discussion in depth
You said that you’re neglected and now you’re threatenin’
To pack your bags and step to teach me a lesson
Well if you’re really lookin’ at the front door
What you trying to front for with the hardcore seduction bit?
Ain’t even listenin’, got it twisted, contorted
Before you stop to notice
(Yo, that’s my heart you’re clutchin’, bitch)
She continues to disrobe, she knows
He’ll shut the fuck up when she’s exposed
As the clothes drop so does the conversation
Again people buckle under the temptation
And the love is always heated after fighting
Thank you, I love you, crazy excitement
(Goodnight)
Hiding the fact that as he lays he weeps
Never woke up because she stabbed him in his sleep
(Snuggle)
-Snuggle by Atmosphere

I been sleeping on my Cutco. NO MORE. uhh, school soon? Should be quite enjoyable. Been playing the Battlefield Bad Company 2 BETA like crazy. That game is going to be incredible. Anyone with a pulse needs to buy it. Anyway, back into my mind I go, til next time.
-Sour

Stuck between a rock and hell

Not much to write today, just some lyrics. I saw an old friend. I miss her and all, not really a good sign though..

This world may have failed you,
It doesn't give you reason why.
You could have chosen a
different path in life.

The smile when you tore me apart.
You took my heart,
Deceived me right from the start.
You showed me dreams,
I wished they'd turn into real.
You broke a promise and made me realize.
It was all just a lie.
Could have been forever.
Now we have reached the end.
-Angels:Within Temptation

Very loud Gothic metal can make any day a little bit brighter =D
This J of trainwreck can't hurt either..
Til next time
-SOUR

Apparently..

I write too much even when i try to comment. Here is my reply to you mike, on your comment.

Mike is right. You ever say "the right man will come along?" or "Fuck niggas ima get money blah blah.."? Mindsets like these are common in women who have been hurt by someone in their past. They carry emotional baggage from a past failure like those dogs in fucking bags. I HATE THOSE THINGS. Anyway..telltale sign of Act Right deficiency. Hit us up about enrollment. It's your life, live it the best way u can. With Act Right.

A moments reflection

So, at 7:16 in the morning, while the MAG servers are being reset..i've decided to blog here. Wasn't really sure what interesting tidbit I wanted in here next. I'm still not. I have however come to see a major weakness of mine recently. Following through. I'm very good at creating and guiding. Not so good at finishing what i start. It's part of why I try to inspire those around me, so they may inspire me. I'm good at speaking, so good I win arguments with myself, and everyone around me. The self argument ownage is a problem though. Hard to tell when you're lying to yourself when you're so fucking persuasive. I'm attempting to arm Dawn with the tools to help keep a nigga in check, we'll see how it goes. The MAG servers are back up and i'm hungry. Breakfast+trees<3 hooray. Til next time, PZ.

Today's topic: Loyalty

Evening all..even though it feels like morning to me. Waking up at 4 in the afternoon is enlightening, I must say. I'm def. enjoying this BLOG contraption quite a bit,ridiculous I took so long to get on it. Mike provided me with the topic for today, which is Loyalty. What is it? What if you don't have it? How do you acquire it? Mike suggested that its a choice, a relationship all in itself. One that has to be in place before you engage in relationships with others. Loyalty to me, is the quality of being faithful to a goal or thing. By faithful I mean holding up any responsibilities they choose to take on, and promoting an environment of ease and trust. Respect is the basis for these things. It's important to know what your partner holds as ideal in their mind and talk with them about it. If your significant other has high hopes for you and you fall short, he/she may not be able to express it, or want to. This will lead to deeply held resentment that fuels arguments about the dumbest things(I WANT JELLY IN THE HOUSE STAT !). Silly, but those dumb arguments will frustrate you two and keep you from ever dealing with the real issue. Talk together, let each other know what you HONESTLY want,even the shit you think "she/he'd never do". Quit being a pussy, your relationship is at stake. What's more important, your pride or your relationship? Doing this will build respect on both sides. The more you talk like this the more loyalty will develop between you two. You'll both know this without doubt and it'll provide a real sense of security. Now, Dawn should be home shortly and im going to stuff my face and play MAG =D pz. Hope something was learned here.

Bitches need some Act Right

I have to say..being angry when u dont WANT to be? Ridiculous. Felt so nice to let that shit go mid afternoon. TF is up with this movie 2012? Thats not cool, what douche went "you know theres a concept that the world will end in 2012..." "Really? Nice lets make a movie." Gotta cash in on everything damn :| Played some KZ today, didn't do too spectacular =(. It's cool, Terrorist Attack made his appearance last night. The fear was felt. Interesting concept, Act Right. Seems most bitches are totally devoid of Act Right. I realize your insecurities are crippling and cause you to be a total raging bitch. Problem is, most women don't recognize the obscene drop in Act Right associated with that. Me and Mike are loading up our classes now. Want in? Hit us up.You need it. I on the other hand, am going to watch some south park and laugh at more of your inability to perform adequately in society, hahaha. Til next time.

THE BEGINNING

Yeah son, got a blog now. Fittin to share my knowledge with the world. Lets see..I should probably get that rant out i spoke of. This one is for all you big dick haters/owners out there. Its not the dick, its the operator. If you have a large penis, and you claim women cant "handle" the D..maybe you're going too hard. Operating large D requires finesse sir, and when you ram yourself inside the V like its something to do, its not very enjoyable. Cut that shit out. Uh..Lecci, Mike? We need to determine a Gaming team name god damnit :| Actually, I guess I should write about myself...i'm Sour, this is my Tome of knowledge...and foolery. I am a pretty dope shit gamer who leads a dope shit gaming team. We plan to go pro or at least make some pretty decent money off our skillz. I consider myself quite philosophical also and HOPEFULLY...ill be displaying that here. Anyway, this is more than enough for an opener. PZ.