New blog up and under construction :D

Today was pretty cool. I'm exhausted as fuck just sitting here atm so...this may or may not make total sense, whatever.

Milla and I have had our relationship undergo a massive change for the better. I look forward to the impact it will have on our future :) I did have something i wanted to blog about. Completely forgot about it now :|

BUT i did post. so FUCK outta here. Yeah im tired, peace the fuck out.

Time for a new blog. One i write in. :|

So...I feel like writing.

I feel like writing where...

someone else may actually see it though?

And if i'm going to do that i may as well write something that someone else can relate to. Preferably in a way they don't yet know they will.

That's called blowing your mind.

I possibly, just blew someones small mind just now.

However, here is some mind..stimulus..that stimulated my mind moments ago.

I just came to the understanding moments ago that most of mankind is only productive at work. WORK. Working a job you don't like, for people you don't like who work for a boss you see for 10 seconds as he walks through the office, like he gives a FUCK what you're doing. THAT guy works for someone else..you get the picture.

So, since you are only doing the job for the money you're doing about the amount of work you can get away with. Unless you're getting decent pay for your horrible job then its like fuck it, lets do this shit. Now, consider for a moment that most of the world(meaning governments, groups with power and the various tools the use to dispose their aid and will) is influenced by some government body, directly or indirectly by a corporation and various local groups. Sounds similar to small business, big business and the influence they garner themselves with government. It's long winded i know. Stop it, keep up with me. I have been told I don't always explain myself too well. Well fuck that, you will know all tonight.

So, most people who work their awful jobs in some way shape or form contribute to the very misery that encompasses their everyday life. Your company balances the books of another company that produces fucked up, questionable ingredient containing candy for another company that the bad ass kids who live next door LOVE to eat making them loud as shit, incapable of sleeping and horrible students who wont learn shit except that candy makes your fucking teeth fall out..and retarded.

THEN there's the other side. The people who love their jobs. They try really hard and i guarantee their final product is awesome. If it isn't i bet they have some baller ass customer service. Point is, they try because they want to be a good company and do right by their customers. They don't want to be douchebaggy and hold you by changepoint and rape you right on the counter while they take customers.

It would be pretty incredible if everyone worked jobs they loved. Instead everyone works jobs they hate..mostly because they have rent, kids, cars, habits, food is always nice. Crises precipitate change though. If everyone had a fucking brain fart all at once and realized their food, their lives, are tied up in a system rigged to fuck them over the harder they worked. Give them less the more they put in. What do you think would happen?

I hope at least a few peoples brains are on the ground. Or, reminded of the previous explosion they had when they first realized this shit :|

new Blog soon, more like this^ hopefully shorter :| ...probably more of those faces

Oh, and ill actually write in it this time. HAHA :|

Your fragile eyes brainwash the weak
remaining silent so to speak
your dizzy head and weakened bones
play funeral dirges in skeletones

Brainwash my head
to clear away the lies that I've been forced and fed
what could have been?
what could it be?
that you saw inside of me
that you would ever give me your love

I believe the fact that god worships you
is going straight to your head
I'm dying to feed on your disease
and I swear I heard you say
drive through to the next window please
drive through now

All these days fade into gray
as our dying love decays
inside this cold labotomy
no brain activity
I'll turn to stone if I look your way
I can't look away
the sun wont shine a single ray
as we eclipse the apocalypse

I've got news for you now sugar
you're a real fuckin heartbreaker
but before I lay down and die
oh I've got a bigger surprise
so go and hold out your hands and close your eyes
real tight
there will be no forgetting tonight
this is a momento of my demise
take my heart here wrapped in velvet
I don't need it anymore
talk is cheap but I know you're listening
I don't want to feel anymore
sinking like a pirate
on a seagrave ship of fools
you know I'm a fool for you

-Brainwash-Polkadot Cadaver-

So, i suppose I am standing where I was about a yr and a half ago. Finally, im ready to embrace all this mystical buddhist shit i've been reading. I'm picking up my meditation again, getting the exercise going and listening to Pema again. My old methods failed me, i took this time to see them completely through. That exercise is finished, on to the next. Til next time motherFUCKAS!

Since January?

That's nuts. I didn't realize how long ago all that was. I wanted to write on here, my thoughts are very jumbled ATM though. Resetting the course in a storm is a bitch. BFBC2 is sick, if u don't have it, you fail at everything. I'll update and finish this post once i find some clarity.

Disconnected

Imagine, if you will, a transparent sphere floating in space. The sphere is maybe a 1/4 of the moons size, give or take. Out of this massive sphere u see flashes of light and an overall orange glow. As you come closer you see a man atop the sphere. As you come even closer you see he is only a young boy. If you were to approach the boy he would probably tell you to watch with him. Watch what? Well, if you look down, you will see the fiendish sight the boy is so delighted by. As you stare on in horror at the souls ripped from their bodies and mass graves filled with atrocities, you can only wonder what the boy finds so fascinating. If you asked he would say something like this..I am the one who keeps him sane. I am the one who sees the truth he cannot admit. I watch with joy because i am indifferent and because I am saving myself.

I don't like this, I like the idea I originally had, then it devolved into that. Blah, probably because I don't know what I want to write right now. I want to write about nameless heartless cunt buckets who shit all over the latter part of my lifes work. But im probably not going to. Perhaps about lying and indecision. I'm so fucking mad..fucking hurt..never again. Not making these mistakes anymore. I made clean clear decisions with repercussions, this wont happen again..

You know whats its called when you search for youth and what it means to you after its passed right? Lay in it..

I miss my blog :(

However, I have no idea what to write about as of late. I suppose a status update will do..

My project received renewed life and has been running pretty awesomely. Can only hope for the best.

BFBC2 beta ended :( That shit was heartbreaking for me, that game is going to be awesome as fuck. Anyone who enjoys that..feeling of gaming accomplishment, needs to fuck with it.

MAG l8r this month, YES ! Agh, cant wait, top of the leaderboards here we come, SVER ON DRUGS BITCH !

Starting school soon, bad assery abound. Once i have a philosophy degree I don't wanna hear SHIT! I already don't wanna hear shit, ima be out of control with my degree =D

I believe ill end this off with a song I just got up on, wonder if the person who should get this will?

Destroyed -Within Temptation

I did my best to please you

But my best was never good enough

Somehow you're only able to see

All I am not

Did you ever look behind

Aren't you afraid of the pieces you'll find

I have failed you

but you have failed me too

It's so easy to destroy

and condemn

The ones you do not understand

do you ever wonder if it's justified

It's so easy to destroy

and condemn

The ones you do not understand

in your life why didn't you ever try

I close my eyes as I walk the thin line

between love and hate

For the person with the same blood in his veins

You show no regrets

about all the things you did or said

I have failed you

but believe me

you failed me too

Abyss

I am

I am an abyss

a void that even I do not acknowledge

I have to wonder if its shame

am i so disgusted with who I have become..

I walk around the edge

daring myself to look in

afraid to see just what

I am

the pain that fails to register anymore

I am the smoke I exhale as I let go of emotions I ignore

I am comatose dreaming of waking life

fuck going through the motions

im past that

the motions have ceased

I would say im lost but being found has no meaning

I am

so incredibly fake

I feel? I feel what? What I know will get the least stares..

I am

an empty, efficient automaton

input what you like, ill always have a response

ill always tell you enough to look like I care

ill always lie enough to remain unnoticed

I am

someone I stopped recognizing a long time ago

Fuck a happy ending.

I haven't written in quite a while, and I am well aware just how convoluted that sounds. I needed to get that out though. Til next time..

-Sour